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Submitted on
October 27, 2012
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"Ah, Mon cher, you are awake."

"Good morning Francis." you said sleepily. You walked towards your husband and gave him a kiss on his lips quickly.

Before he took advantage of it.

"Hm. Are you hungry? Breakfast is nearly done, Mon amour~" He smiled at you and chuckled when he saw your happy face at the mention of food.

Ah the benefits of marrying a chef.

"That would be lovely Francis~" you responded with a happy sigh. You did love his cooking- and him of course, no matter how much... Francis he was.

"Hm, could you please get the mail from outside, sil vous plait? He asked with a gentle smile as he stirred what appeared to be his heavenly omelettes.

You yawned again and rubbed the sleep out of your eyes before nodding in agreement and walking outside the door towards the mailbox.

The morning was always so calm at the house you and Francis lived in. The roses he and you planted the year you moved here to your first home went from being small red buds and became wonderful large bloom.

You walked pat all the flowers of your garden in your slippers, barely hearing the sound of wind and your footsteps you eventually got to your mailbox; not that it was far.

You opened the mailbox lid and got the contents out of the metal container, the cool feel of the metal on your skin and some odd this on your left arm; you took no notice and brushed it off.

"Bill, Bill, Magazine subscription, Invitation..." you mumbled as you read the envelopes as you returned back to your house.

You really weren't a morning person so you had to deal with it.

You opened the door of your house and walked inside, closing the door softly you said "Mails here Francis." you said as you walked back into the kitchen and plopped into one of the chairs.

"Ah, Merci." He said before swiping the envelopes of your hand with a single swipe. "Oh. And if you haven't noticed, your food is in front of you, you know?"

This must have brought you back from your supposed daze because you cursed and blushed as you were caught dazing at the blonde. "Idiot." you mumbled before digging in to the breakfast your husband had just made.

"Yes, Yes." He laughed. "You liked what you saw, Hm?"

"It's really- Weally goof." you complimented with your mouth full, ignoring his recent comment. "As always."

His pouting face turned into a wide grin, scratching his 'goat chin' as you had dubbed affectionately in praise."ohohohon~" He laughed, his ego supposedly increasing. "Why thank you, __."

"..." you didn't respond as you kept on eating the delicious food he had prepared. You just wave your hand as if to shoo him off.

Francis sighed happily and looked down at the envelopes when he saw something on your arm and said "Oy, ___, what's that in your arm?"

"Hunh?" You mumbled with your mouth full. As you put your utensils neatly on the plate and turned your right arm around to find nothing. You then turned your left arm and your arms widened.

There was a snail on your arm.

On your bare skin.

You gasped and you suddenly choked on your food and started coughing violently. Francis looked alarmed and came rapidly to your side and started hitting your back to help you regain your breath again.

"___! Oy ___!" Francis cried worriedly as he kept on hitting your back until your coughs gradually died down. "Are you okay?"

And you screamed.

"SNAIL! Get if off! Get it OFF!!" you cried as you shook your left arm attempting to get the disgusting creature off your arm.

Francis sighed in relief that you finally stopped coughing and grabbed your shoulders as he rested his forehead on yours. His calm blue eyes meeting your glassy (e/c) ones.

"Mon dieu Amour, calm down. I'll take it off." He smiled as he gave you a brief kiss on your nose before grabbing your left arm and carefully pulling the snail off your arm.

"Now KILL IT!" You cried dramatically. He had the chance to kill the horrid insect.

You really despised snails.
And slugs.

They were absolutely repulsive to your eyes. They, they shouldn't even be in this planet! Yeah, true that worms were disgusting too but they made soil!



...You had a certain experience with them when you were smaller. Your mother immediately came to the rescue and poured some salt on the bloody creature and left it outside.


That was it!

"Francis, I'll get some salt!" You cried as you walked towards the counter. He stopped you.

"There is no need to kill it, I'll just put it in the garden again, don't worry, I'll take care of it." He reassured you before walking out of the door to the garden.

"Oh, don't forget to finish your breakfast, oui?" He cried from outside.

You looked at your abandoned plate of delicious omelettes. Now cold, probably.

Your stomach churned from the past memory and you looked away.

The damn snail had lost your appetite.


~France presents Le time skip~

"Are you still not hungry?" Francis asked worriedly as he drank his afternoon glass of red wine.

"" You said stubbornly.

"Are you sure? I could make you whatever you desire~" Francis bargained. "Whatever~"


"Aw, c'mon Mon Cher! You can't still be afraid of the snail right? I just took him outside!" Francis whined, tired of playing.

"But I Loath them. No questions asked." You said in monotone.

"How can you be afraid of them? Some kind of snail are delicious to eat~!" Francis said delighted. "They are specially-"

You clapped your hands over your ears and chanted. "La La La La! I want to keep the remaining food on my stomach thank you! La la la~!" you sang trying to block what France was saying.

"Hmph, It's called Escargot and it's a delicacy back where I came from-"

"Lalalala." you sang again.

"But to say truth, I came from my maman-"

"LALALALA." you yelled, trying to block out the words and the mental image he was bringing up.

"Who with my Papa, did-"

"LALALA- SHUT UP Francis!" You cried. "Fine! I'll eat! I'll eat! Spare me the details! PLEASE!" You cried feeling disgusted already.

Francis smirked and sighed. "I knew you'd see it my way." he said before getting from the couch as he walked towards the kitchen.

"Can you at least tell me what you're making?" you grumbled.

He walked back and leaned against the wall and winked at you. "It's a secret, A surprise you can say." he smirked before laughing his way to the kitchen.

"Ohohohohon~" you could hear.

Your teeth clenched in annoyance. Francis was surely a weird one.

You wondered what the hell you were thinking when you married him?

You then remembered the gentle face he gave you when he helped you with the snail. Your cheeks grew warm a little then you sighed.

He wasn't a jerk all the time.

You smiled as you turned the TV on and started watching some type of Mexican Telenovela that Spain had introduced you to.

What was Francis planning?


*You just got France-Time skipped~*


"It's ready, ___" Francis cried from the kitchen.

That must have woken you up because the next thing you knew you were on a chair in the diner. Lights turned low and Francis currently putting a blindfold on you.


You blushed slightly and you immediately tried to take the blindfold off. "Hey! What's with the Blindfold?!"

"It's for the surprise~"

"Not again Francis." You hissed.

"Don't worry, it's for the food." He winked at you, you being unaware. "But the other thing's is also available later, you know, ohohohon~" He laughed.

A chill ran through your spine. Not good. "Just give me the damn food already!" You screeched in Annoyance to your husband.

"Fine, fine. Your raging face is quite cute." he grinned before bringing a fork with unknown food to your lips. "Bon Appétit, My love." He said before placing the food in your mouth and removing the fork.

You analysed the flavour carefully of the unknown food. It was quite nice, the sauce, and the meaty thing was quite textured. You swallowed after finally chewing it.

But it tasted... nice, you thought.

Not bad, not bad at all you had to admit.

"How does it taste?" France asked, looking at you then at the plate of 'exquisite gourmet food' he prepared.

"It tastes quite nice, the meaty thing is kinda textured but the garlic sauce and the herbs are really nice." You said before opening your mouth once again, signalling Francis to give you more, which he did.

"Thank god." Francis sighed in relief.

"May I now take my blindfold off?" You asked innocently. "I want to see how you presented the dish."

Francis flinched. "U-uh no, not now! I will... Uh." Francis stuttered, the words dying in his mouth.

You'd refuse to eat it if he showed you now.

"I'll... Show you when you have your second last bite! How about that? Eh? I'll feed you so everything will be alright!" he said nervously.


"Hm. Alright. Give me more."



"Hm, how do you say it? The meal was, um, Magnifique?"

"Oui, Corrigez." he responded. You nodded.

"Hey, what did you say was the name of the dish again?" you asked. You hadn't seen the dish yet.

"I didn't." France said quickly. He got out of his chair and stood up. "Uh..." he walked to near the door.


"Escargot. Adieu!" France cried as he ran away outside in fear.


When you finally got the pieces together you stood up briskly and you practically ripped off the blindfold off yourself to see the plate which was full with sauce and empty snail shells.

Snail. Shells.
Escargot= Cooked snails.


You thought you would hurl, you placed your hands over your mouth. Bending yourself in non-existent pain.

But it never came.

"...It was pretty nice, to tell the truth." You sighed before grabbing the plate and putting the plate on the sin and cleaning it. "And I won't kill him."


"I wonder when that coward will come back?" you said after you grabbed a glass of white wine and you swirled it around before drinking it whole.


A while later.

"I hope ___ isn't too mad at the poor me..." Francis sighed as he walked to your house again. Once he reached the door he searched he tried opening the door.

It was locked.


He sighed and reached for his pocket for his keys.

Surprise. They weren't there.

He started searching all throughout his clothes, inside the pocket of his white dress shirt, the pockets of his jeans. In his jacket.

They were nowhere.

Francis gripped his golden blonde hair in frustration. Where did he- Oh! He must have forgotten it when he ran away.


You locked him out.

Seemed like he had to sleep with the poodle tonight then.

Until a miracle happened.
"Oh, she forgot to lock the basement window!"

Very original title FTW. :iconbleghplz:

And so he got through the window and...
Why? Well, mon amour, He's france! The guy who caused all those bloodbaths in the hetalia eve- I'll stop. :D

...randomnez. XD

This was inspired by somethings that happened in real life~
I despise snails. ^^
And yes, the arm thing happened. SALT SAVED THE DAY!
But i was 6. :iconwthenglandplz:

Sorry if it was weird, i havent written in a while, I FEEL BAD IF I DONT! D:

:iconsexyfranceplz:Owns you. YESH. BELIEVE. :iconfranceplz:
:iconhimaruyaplz: owns him... htalia.. i wonder if he was high when he made the events> not that i hate it, fanservice FTW. x3

I have never tried escargot... is it good? i had to ask my dad about it. He prefers frog legs to escargot though ^^

Merde: ... can you guess?
Please comment!


Thanks for the 2500+ Page views and 50+ Watchers! SOMETHINGS IS COMING YOUR WAY BABY! XD
Add a Comment:
BeigeCascade Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Really?! Snails are so cute. And theyre an old-timey ":iconsnailla: Gary the Snail Snail good luck charm" on some areas. Yet they ruin gardens and I'm not one to eat escargot either.
fatima14511 Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is so cute !!! XD
umbreon011100 Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Damnit how could I've forgotten the basement window how?! BWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
gymleader97 Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2013
Laugh laugh laugh, I think I died. I know I died. They buried me with the snails. Birds eat snails. Bird have feathers. Feathers tickle me. Laugh laugh laugh, I think I died. (And keep on going over and over and over.)
kitkatattack123 Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
haven't seen a real snail in years..
Kimono-chimera Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I only had escargot once, but it was good.  It's like garlic-y, buttered, perfectly cooked scallops (soft, not tough, no risidual shelfish slime (shelfish lovers know what I'm talking about, everyone's had at least one bad clam/oyster/scallop/etc.)
hetaliabangtheoryfan Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013
hmmm i actually used to play with the slugs in my backyard when i was little :3 when they were on the ground i'd use a stick to put them on the tree near by :D ah i loved my childhood and i love this fanfic *sneeks behind you and glomps you from behind* ^^ :iconglompplz:
DeeKayy84 Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2013
Beautiful that's sounds just like me I' so stuburn when it comes to food :D
himaruyes Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is one of my favorites ^w^
MSArtistJean Featured By Owner May 23, 2013
oh, this fic is so relatable. Once I almost broke my neck over a slug...
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